Reflection

Reflecting takes a lot of energy.  I've found other outlets for that energy in the past, and I suppose I could find other outlets for it now and in the future, but I'm forcing (is that the right word?) myself to put my energies in reflecting on my life, what is important to me, and what I want from all the opportunities that are in front of me.

I never imagined I'd be in the place I am right now.  No, not typing on a lovely MacBook while waiting for my facial masque to dry.  I didn't imagine I'd be a teacher (are you kidding?  Never!), married to a wonderful man (do I deserve such a great fellow?), and the mother of two amazing children (oh, how I wanted kids, but would I ever be blessed?).  I'm lucky.  My life didn't turn out the way I thought it would, but I'm glad the world has guided me to the rocking chair I currently sit in.

I have everything I could possibly want, and I still struggle to find meaning and purpose.  Am I supposed to be a full-time teacher?  Or a full-time mom?  Can I do either well in a full-time fashion? Can I do either well in a half-time fashion?  I know I'm too hard on myself and I know I dwell in the "what ifs" and apocalyptic scenarios too much.  I know I remember the bad things I've done or feel guilty for and I rarely celebrate the things I've done right and what I've accomplished.  Maybe this blog needs to be more about celebrations, accomplishments, and things gone right.  Maybe I need to reflect on the good stuff and have that reflect back at me -- maybe then I can see the meaning and purpose to my life.

Reflection one:

I married my Mister.  Awesome decision.